Rewards and Punishment- How to lean away from them

 Rewards and Punishment

Let talk about rewards and punishments with children. Personally I stay away from rewards and punishments with my son. There any many factor to consider when choosing a way of parenting and Disciplinary tactics, what you believe and how you feel about it. 

Popular culture would have many believe that there are two ways to influence human behvaiour – through the use of rewards or punishments. The lollie or the stick. 

Generally speaking, most professionals in the early childhood education and care industry understand how inappropriate the use of punishments is with young children. There is widespread consensus that relying on spanking or “timeouts” is at best not effective, and at worst, harmful.

Less well known is the ineffectiveness of rewards. Sometimes referred to as “positive reinforcements”, praise and rewards do not help children over the long term.

Most adults use praise when interacting with young children. Often, this is because we, as adults, like to be praised. It feels good to know someone likes us or likes what we've done.  

We also like to be rewarded. Not many of us would continue to go to work every day if there was no financial benefit to be had.

Praise and the promise of rewards motivate us

– but only temporarily

Praise and rewards can distort the value of an individual’s efforts.

Often when praise is given, the receiver feels a pressure to live up to the standards or expectations of someone else. Excessive, long-term praise can inhibit people’s ability to gauge the value of their own efforts because they rely heavily on the praise of those in authority positions.

Similarly, when rewards are offered, the receiver becomes reliant on their continual delivery. Even if a reward was given as a one-off incentive, the individual will be focused on what can be done to secure another such bonus.  

Montessori observed that children work for different reasons than adults.

They work for the process not the product and from an inner drive to complete an activity over and over again to their satisfaction.

They are not driven by external stimuli – a need to be acknowledged by others and celebrated. The Sensitive periods in their development provide children with an internal urge and stronger reinforcement than any rewards or praise system could achieve.

Encouragement

Instead of praise and rewards, Montessori guides use encouragement.  

Encouragement is empowering. There are no conditions and it isn't judgmental. The receiver is encouraged to make judgments of their own behaviour, work, and ultimately, worth.

Thank you for your help.

You did your best and you didn't give up.

You must be proud of yourself.

Encouragement focuses on the process and acknowledges the child’s struggle in mastering something. It gives them permission to be imperfect – it recognizes their perseverance, creativity and ability to solve problems.

In this way it is especially valuable to children who are struggling and finding many things challenging. 

It promotes faith in their ability and gives them the impetus to keep trying

Offering encouragement instead of praise avoids the unhelpful comparison of children. 

Adults must encourage children to feel proud of their individual strengths and progress – no matter what they may be.

With encouragement we offer the idea that mistakes are simply learning opportunities, and that to learn and grow, we all have to make mistakes. We respect the child’s abilities, efforts and integrity to try to do the right thing.

————

Praise and rewards teach children to depend on external input from others instead of learning to trust their own inner wisdom and standards. 

Encouragement is an important strategy used by Montessori guides to reinforce a child’s intrinsic desire to apply effort, to explore and to gain independence

It acknowledges and respects the process of learning, rather than celebrating or incentivizing the outcome.

Alternatives to Punishment

It is well established that punishments do not adequately address a child’s inappropriate behaviour. Spanking or “timeouts” do not provide the young child with the experience they need to learn what is appropriate. 

Montessori guides use two different strategies to address inappropriate behaviour in the Prepared Environment:

1. Lessons in grace and courtesy 
2. Re-direction

Lessons in grace and courtesy

Some of the challenging behaviours that we observe in early childhood education and care environments are a result of young children feeling left out, or not know what to do. Having knowledge about what to do in different social situations and how to resolve social problems, builds children’s confidence and resilience. 

Lessons in grace and courtesy provide opportunities for young children to learn how to interact with others across a range of different social situations.

Lessons in grace and courtesy are an important part of the learning experience in a Montessori program for children from three to six years. It is an area often hidden in the Prepared Environment, however, as it does not require any physical materials..

Lessons in grace and courtesy show children how to manage social relations in the classroom and beyond. 

The lessons are presented as short role-plays – showing children how to interact with each other with respect and empathy. The lessons also show children how to move and use language so their actions help to maintain order and harmony in the environment. During a lesson, the adult or an experienced child, will act out the movement and language and the other children will then be invited to have a turn to practice the same movements and language as appropriate.

Ideally, specific skills are introduced to children before they need to use them. 

Lessons in grace and courtesy are positive experiences for children – they are never conducted to single a child out, or to make them feel like they have done something wrong. 

Lessons in grace and courtesy provide children with the skills they need to demonstrate the appropriate behvaiour. For example, these skills could include how to listen, invite yourself or someone else, apologise, interrupt or to make a request.

Redirection

A Montessori guide can use re-direction when they observe a child exhibiting a behaviour that is unsafe, disruptive or otherwise inappropriate. 

When directing a child, the adult must:

• stay respectful, 
• identify what information the child might not know or has forgotten, 
• guide the child with a demonstration, and
• end with an opportunity for the child to try the actions or words independently.

The aim of re-direction is to address the specific behaviour in a quick, consistent manner that reinforce positive behaviour and reduces negative behaviours. 

In this way, re-directions are brief interactions - intended to be short, yet lead to long lasting results. Intentionally, interaction time should be in seconds, rather than minutes.

Steps in redirecting.

Stay observant:

Watch the children for any situation that needs adult intervention.  Montessori was a patient observer and researcher of children while knowing that occasionally there was a need for a “clarion call.” 

It is always easier to redirect children at the first indication of a problem. 

Be active:

Approach the child; be on the child’s level; make eye contact. 

Use a quiet calm voice

Be objective:

Make sure that the child knows you are there because of what you have observed. Share the situation so you can solve it together. This is a respectful way to approach the child. 

Use statements like: “I see you rocking the shelf and that will hurt someone (or yourself).”  “That stick has a sharp point on it.”  

Make sure not to use too much information.

State the appropriate behaviour:

Describe the specific appropriate behaviour and offer to the child the opportunity to do that action.  

Use the words for the lesson in grace and courtesy if is applicable. For example: “Feet stay on the floor.”  “Pointed sticks are safest staying on the ground,” 

State the action:

State the specific appropriate action that the child should do, and offer to the child the opportunity to do that action. 

For example: “This is the shelf where we put cups and glasses.” “Please put the sharp stick on the ground.” 

Observe the child:

Observe the child doing the appropriate action or help them to do so. This opportunity for correct practice is extremely important. This is a non-verbal stage of addressing the situation. 

The adult must be focused exclusively on the action and be totally available to the child, with a warm presence.

Acknowledge:

Acknowledge that the child has completed the appropriate action or behaviour. Not with praise, but with a smile or nod or simple statement. 

For example: “Would you like to choose an activity?” “Now that sharp stick on the playground is out of the way. No one will get hurt!”

Then turn your attention to other matters.

Lessons in grace and courtesy provide the child with opportunities to learn the pro-social skills – how to get along with others and maintain harmony in the environment. 

A re-direction provides the child with guidance when it is needed. 

In this way we can stay away from praise and rewards, punishment and shame. We can lead towards more positive discipline practices to create a firm yet respectful fair environment for all. 

• Mummy R

RIE / Montessori references